On a chilly night at the end of October (according to Maryam, precisely 5 years and 6 days from their arrival here in the Fox Valley), we gathered for dinner. Jaber and his family beat me to the Kramers’ home, so when I walked in they were already visiting like old friends – the women preparing dinner, as the men chatted and played with the children. The environment was filled with ease and the evening was full of laughter, reminiscing, and catching up. Although I have worked in refugee resettlement on and off for a little over four years, I found myself surprised at how natural their friendship was. As we sat down for dinner, I listened to the families discuss the names of Jaber’s brothers. For each brother, they discussed his Arabic name, its meaning, and often its connection to the Bible. We all shared a meal together, which prompted Karl to tell the story of the first time he ever had lamb. Maryam had cooked for them and it was instantly one of Karl’s favorite foods. Jaber has his CDL license and drives a semi, so they spent time talking about his recent trips. Amidst truck driving stories we found ourselves laughing and relating as Jaber described difficulty understanding accents in different parts of the country. I remember thinking, “the warmth, happiness and hospitality are ever evident in this place”. I could have listened to them visit for hours.
A little background on the group: Karl and Heather Kramer led their small group from Community Church five years ago when, as a team, they decided to form a Good Neighbor Team through World Relief Fox Valley. In this experience they would be mobilizing to walk alongside a newly arrived refugee family in the area. The Kramers remember preparing to become a GNT, receiving orientation from WRFV staff and waiting in excited anticipation for their family’s arrival. Karl and Heather recall a mix of excitement and nervousness amongst the team members. (Some members with past cross-cultural experience felt a little less nervous as they had an idea of what to expect). I watched in awe as the Kramers described to Jaber and Maryam how they were taken by the family’s beauty when the Afats stepped off the plane at the airport.
The Afat family fled Iraq and spent over 15 years living in Jordan. After many years of waiting, the family was finally approved for resettlement. As we sat in the living room that day, the family explained their three days of orientation before arriving. Orientation provided them with some explanations, gave them suggestions and helped to provide some expectations before arrival. The family says their orientation helped them to feel prepared and less nervous, though there are some things they were not expecting -- like a team of American church members excitedly awaiting their arrival at the airport, ready to welcome them with open arms. Jaber explained that this airport welcome took them by surprise. But he smiles, a happy surprise.
For both groups, the experience was impactful and positive, but we also talked about the challenges that come along with meeting new people, the unknown, cultural differences, language barriers and just plain learning each other. Experiences that once felt like barriers now become humorous stories to look back on: adjustment to a new time zone, experiences with learning culture, and that one time as Jaber was learning English… The story as I remember it goes something like this: One day the families were together talking about something and Heather was speaking quite quickly. Suddenly, Jaber said, “Heather, be quiet!” (fully intending to say, “speak slowly!”). The “be quiet” story was followed by a room full of belly laughs. I could listen to their stories forever.
Words are nothing until feelings are associated with them; I asked the group what “Good Neighbor Team” meant to them, and what kind of impact the experience had on them. Jaber and Maryam again spoke about the happy surprise that was their airport arrival, being welcomed by a group of strangers who became close friends and family. Jaber said it meant a lot that his family was welcomed and assisted. They always try to remember this experience by remaining forever grateful. The Afat family used this experience as a reminder of their blessings and encouragement to give back to others. The Kramers described the motivation behind the mobilization of their Good Neighbor Team. Karl described their mentality saying, “It’s not just Bible study, it’s Bible doing”. The team wanted to literally become the hands and feet of God in the community, and so they prepared to welcome and walk alongside a family of God’s children. The Afat family. Heather and Karl talked about the transformation of their team, and the great impact that this experience had on them as a whole. Heather described the way in which each team member’s unique gifts were utilized in the relationship (finance, school, workplace connections, etc). I found myself thinking about how God equips us each with unique gifts, and that together our unique gifts make a whole and life-changing group – they are living proof.
Towards the end of our evening together, I asked everyone to tell me about their most memorable and funny stories together. The very first memory, shared by all, was the time they spent together reading the Bible with Arabic and English translations, discussing religion together and inviting one another into those meaningful places. How powerful that must have been. But the memories kept coming; Jaber discovering he could go fishing here in Wisconsin, the time the group went to a tree farm to cut down Christmas trees together and Jaber walked around pulling the kids in a sled. Both mothers remembered Halloween, just a few days after the Afats arrived in America, the team took the newly arrived, jet-lagged family downtown for a Halloween event as a first group activity together. A final memory that stood out was the Afat family’s determination when driving. When sharing this experience with us Heather described the family as determined and hardworking, never willing to give up. Jaber and Maryam’s unwavering dedication sticks with Heather to this day.
At the end of the night I watched the families visit. The moms chatted about how much their kids had grown up in five years, reminiscing about how little they used to be. The dads looked over photos from Karl’s recent trip to Jordan and joked together. Laughter filled the room. Later, The Afats offered to help the Kramer family move into their new home in a couple of weeks. What had once been a group of American church volunteers helping a newly arrived Iraqi refugee family settle into a new country had flourished into a beautiful, organic and loving friendship. After the unknown and the challenges, what remains is a strong and natural relationship. When I speak to new churches and volunteers, I like to remind them that underneath all of the tasks and the nerves they might have initially, the most important piece of their interaction with refugees they meet will be the relationships they form. On this night God gave me a glimpse of that in real life.
Special thanks to Karl and Heather Kramer and family and Jaber and Marayam Afat and family for allowing me to step inside your world for an evening. I am blessed to have witnessed your genuine love and friendship. Thanks for the laughter!